I am an Attention Whore. Since I have begun to play WoW guys have flocked to me, often I'd have people to flirt with at any given moment. Many would be pissed before long b/c I wouldn't put out but for a couple years I was married and refused to put out or talk about anything other then things related to my relationship. I'm a really open person. Ask me a question, you'll get an honest answer. This doesn't sit well with most.
These days, I crave attention. I want AFFECTION more then anything. Despite a guy I had just met getting mad at me and saying I wasn't affectionate or compassionate cause I didn't embrace and return his over affection to a stranger (me). But god. I want the attention so bad I can taste it. I crave it. I want someone to be interested, who will forsake something the other boys are telling him to do for me. Other Half, Mr. Sexy, neither of them will do this for me lately. Though Other Half has done it in the past.
Other Half rarely shows affection. I had to yell at him to get him to emote affection in game. Its just not something he does. He might with some girl he liked but he won't show me any. Unless I'm mad. If I'm mad he's quick to tell me he cares (and gets mad if I imply or suggest otherwise) and has told me he loves me in the past (though not romantically).
Mr.Sexy shows affection... when he's not too busy playing the game with other boys. I wrote Mr.Sexy a sexy story tonight. One I promised him over a month ago.... And he's always asking about. He didn't even read it tonight. He was too busy playing his game with his male friends. *sigh* Way to make me feel like I wasted my time there Mr.Sexy.
I don't have any right to complain. I'm just the friend/former booty call to both these boys. *sigh* Yeah I need to stop doing this. Its rare I reciprocate anything. But I have with them. And honestly? If Other Half or Torrent acted like they were interested in it again, I'd take em both up on it. No questions asked. I talked to Torrent a bunch tonight. When Other Half came home, ended our night call, and never messaged me at all and went right into LoL. I finally mentioned something I saw online to him, then said something about my hw which he promised to help with. But it was getting too late. Honestly I was afraid he'd forget again. So I started working on it on my own. Til Torrent offered his help. So I talked to him for a couple hrs. It was great. I told him I was glad the stuff with us never got complicated. He acted like it did. I wanted elaboration. But you know men... nada. and I didn't want to push it.
But still. I want Attention. Affection. I can feel myself craving it. I want it. Bad. I feel like no matter what I try, it can't compete. I'm not used to it, the past while has spoiled me I guess. If I can't have love, can I not at least have attention, affection and lust? Come on and give a girl a break already! Other Half got furious at me for putting it that way before only a tad more flippant. But still ffs. I need something! Its driving me bat shit crazy. I need to lower my standards. Need to just do whatever to get at least one need satisfied. But I can't. And Nights like these, god I wish I could. Miserable.
*Sigh* I'm rambling now. Just wrote the same thing twice. Guess that means I just have to suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and try to get the fuck over it.
I need to add the odd stuff that happened last night here. But thats gonna have to wait til tomorrow at least. Its really late and well Other Half just commented that I'm typing really loud and apparently barely short of violent when I hit my enter key.
Avoir for now.
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