I am an Attention Whore. Since I have begun to play WoW guys have flocked to me, often I'd have people to flirt with at any given moment. Many would be pissed before long b/c I wouldn't put out but for a couple years I was married and refused to put out or talk about anything other then things related to my relationship. I'm a really open person. Ask me a question, you'll get an honest answer. This doesn't sit well with most.
These days, I crave attention. I want AFFECTION more then anything. Despite a guy I had just met getting mad at me and saying I wasn't affectionate or compassionate cause I didn't embrace and return his over affection to a stranger (me). But god. I want the attention so bad I can taste it. I crave it. I want someone to be interested, who will forsake something the other boys are telling him to do for me. Other Half, Mr. Sexy, neither of them will do this for me lately. Though Other Half has done it in the past.
Other Half rarely shows affection. I had to yell at him to get him to emote affection in game. Its just not something he does. He might with some girl he liked but he won't show me any. Unless I'm mad. If I'm mad he's quick to tell me he cares (and gets mad if I imply or suggest otherwise) and has told me he loves me in the past (though not romantically).
Mr.Sexy shows affection... when he's not too busy playing the game with other boys. I wrote Mr.Sexy a sexy story tonight. One I promised him over a month ago.... And he's always asking about. He didn't even read it tonight. He was too busy playing his game with his male friends. *sigh* Way to make me feel like I wasted my time there Mr.Sexy.
I don't have any right to complain. I'm just the friend/former booty call to both these boys. *sigh* Yeah I need to stop doing this. Its rare I reciprocate anything. But I have with them. And honestly? If Other Half or Torrent acted like they were interested in it again, I'd take em both up on it. No questions asked. I talked to Torrent a bunch tonight. When Other Half came home, ended our night call, and never messaged me at all and went right into LoL. I finally mentioned something I saw online to him, then said something about my hw which he promised to help with. But it was getting too late. Honestly I was afraid he'd forget again. So I started working on it on my own. Til Torrent offered his help. So I talked to him for a couple hrs. It was great. I told him I was glad the stuff with us never got complicated. He acted like it did. I wanted elaboration. But you know men... nada. and I didn't want to push it.
But still. I want Attention. Affection. I can feel myself craving it. I want it. Bad. I feel like no matter what I try, it can't compete. I'm not used to it, the past while has spoiled me I guess. If I can't have love, can I not at least have attention, affection and lust? Come on and give a girl a break already! Other Half got furious at me for putting it that way before only a tad more flippant. But still ffs. I need something! Its driving me bat shit crazy. I need to lower my standards. Need to just do whatever to get at least one need satisfied. But I can't. And Nights like these, god I wish I could. Miserable.
*Sigh* I'm rambling now. Just wrote the same thing twice. Guess that means I just have to suck it up, pull up my big girl panties and try to get the fuck over it.
I need to add the odd stuff that happened last night here. But thats gonna have to wait til tomorrow at least. Its really late and well Other Half just commented that I'm typing really loud and apparently barely short of violent when I hit my enter key.
Avoir for now.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Busy Days, Busy Nights
Its been pretty busy around here with school and work and the kids. Thankfully its also a three day weekend coming up! Lots of catching up on things to do.
The past few days haven't been spectacular but they have been busy and not just for me and I get that I do. Other Half talked to me while he was on his way home from school Tuesday but once he got home he got silent again. I was like "Yup, knew that would happen" At around 1 I skyped him saying I was going to bed. I wasn't mad, and I knew he had to go to bed soon as well, but I was disappointed at the hot and cold messages, reactions, whatever you want to call them. He said he was coming to bed too. Being the smart ass I am I asked him by whose definition. He's been known to tell me that and take a couple more hours to do so. He said whenever his game was finished he would. Of course, that fucking game! Ugh! I laughed and kept it light with him while rolling my eyes on this side of the monitor. "So that means don't wait up" he laughed, said it wouldnt be long and said we would talk before we went to sleep. Ok hon, you win again. We didnt talk once you got home so you make it a point to talk before sleep. Its these kinds of things that make me less annoyed when you completely ignore me for a game. Call me stupid or easy or whatever, but I'm easy to please!
Wednesday I was afraid he'd screw it up when he didn't answer multiple skype messages for our WoW raid. He should of known it was raid day. His spot almost got filled. I was planning on bailing if he didn't go cause I just didn't want to be there if he wasn't and I had homework I had to do, but Mr.Sexy couldn't be there (he even called to let me know), and Other Half finally responded. Score. He payed attention and was fairly playful with me when I poked him for hugs or such in game (a complaint of mine a few weeks ago was that he never showed affection. Not even in game. He does now when I emote something at him. Its great. Then once raid was over I had to do a quiz. I tend to make stupid small mistakes when I'm in a hurry so I asked him to watch and make sure I didn't do anything stupid and fail my quiz. He helped. He has been helping me with my homework for every semester so far, just as Torrent has. He's an amazing teacher. I actually get stuff better when he explains it b/c he can explain it to fit me. Then he showed me how to do some number systems he is learning. It was interesting and I learned a lot. Who knew I'd be using something math like and numbers for FUN and entertainment purposes? Such total geeks. I loved every second. This lead to how color hex codes work (something I've played with before). So much geeky fun. I honestly think we'd both be hard pressed to find someone who could be equally entertained as we were by figuring this stuff out together.
Today he was REALLY quiet and poorly responsive. Til I called him on it (playfully). Then he called me lol. We've been in call since then and that was a couple hrs ago. He's humored me a lot. Sending him lots of files and links to old pictures of the girls and the cat and things I've made. He's also been playing his game. So his responses are limited and often he's so focused on the game he ignores what I say to him. This I'm pretty used to. I do the same thing when concentrating so I can't blame him tooo much... though yes I give him a playful hard time sometimes. Gotta keep the boy on his toes!
Mr.Sexy has been too busy for me lately, and its more likely then not to keep that way. This means I'm pretty certain he won't try to come down here like he said. Extremely disappointing but he'd probably be disappointed when he got here anyway.
Man I'm tired. I need to see if I can drag Other Half to bed.
Perhaps in the next post I'll introduce one or two other players in my stories. Let you get a good feel for them too.
The past few days haven't been spectacular but they have been busy and not just for me and I get that I do. Other Half talked to me while he was on his way home from school Tuesday but once he got home he got silent again. I was like "Yup, knew that would happen" At around 1 I skyped him saying I was going to bed. I wasn't mad, and I knew he had to go to bed soon as well, but I was disappointed at the hot and cold messages, reactions, whatever you want to call them. He said he was coming to bed too. Being the smart ass I am I asked him by whose definition. He's been known to tell me that and take a couple more hours to do so. He said whenever his game was finished he would. Of course, that fucking game! Ugh! I laughed and kept it light with him while rolling my eyes on this side of the monitor. "So that means don't wait up" he laughed, said it wouldnt be long and said we would talk before we went to sleep. Ok hon, you win again. We didnt talk once you got home so you make it a point to talk before sleep. Its these kinds of things that make me less annoyed when you completely ignore me for a game. Call me stupid or easy or whatever, but I'm easy to please!
Wednesday I was afraid he'd screw it up when he didn't answer multiple skype messages for our WoW raid. He should of known it was raid day. His spot almost got filled. I was planning on bailing if he didn't go cause I just didn't want to be there if he wasn't and I had homework I had to do, but Mr.Sexy couldn't be there (he even called to let me know), and Other Half finally responded. Score. He payed attention and was fairly playful with me when I poked him for hugs or such in game (a complaint of mine a few weeks ago was that he never showed affection. Not even in game. He does now when I emote something at him. Its great. Then once raid was over I had to do a quiz. I tend to make stupid small mistakes when I'm in a hurry so I asked him to watch and make sure I didn't do anything stupid and fail my quiz. He helped. He has been helping me with my homework for every semester so far, just as Torrent has. He's an amazing teacher. I actually get stuff better when he explains it b/c he can explain it to fit me. Then he showed me how to do some number systems he is learning. It was interesting and I learned a lot. Who knew I'd be using something math like and numbers for FUN and entertainment purposes? Such total geeks. I loved every second. This lead to how color hex codes work (something I've played with before). So much geeky fun. I honestly think we'd both be hard pressed to find someone who could be equally entertained as we were by figuring this stuff out together.
Today he was REALLY quiet and poorly responsive. Til I called him on it (playfully). Then he called me lol. We've been in call since then and that was a couple hrs ago. He's humored me a lot. Sending him lots of files and links to old pictures of the girls and the cat and things I've made. He's also been playing his game. So his responses are limited and often he's so focused on the game he ignores what I say to him. This I'm pretty used to. I do the same thing when concentrating so I can't blame him tooo much... though yes I give him a playful hard time sometimes. Gotta keep the boy on his toes!
Mr.Sexy has been too busy for me lately, and its more likely then not to keep that way. This means I'm pretty certain he won't try to come down here like he said. Extremely disappointing but he'd probably be disappointed when he got here anyway.
Man I'm tired. I need to see if I can drag Other Half to bed.
Perhaps in the next post I'll introduce one or two other players in my stories. Let you get a good feel for them too.
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